


Nothing goes according to plan

by chaoticallyinclined



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Sarcasm, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Interrogation, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith is too stubborn for his own good, Keith needs to chill out, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Rescue, Sarcasm, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, Violence, definitely needs editing but whatever, everyone is done, formatting is lol, help me I'm bad at tags and titles, lance is so done, shiro is so done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:53:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23234293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticallyinclined/pseuds/chaoticallyinclined
Summary: "Keith fully expected to die on Zarkon’s ship, it was just taking a bit longer than he’d anticipated."Wherein Keith follows through on his plan to fly the galra fighter ship he stole into the shield of Zarkon's cruiser to save the coalition, but miraculously survives, unbeknownst to his friends (until later mwahaha.) I'm so sorry in advance for all the violence and angst.
Comments: 51
Kudos: 154





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please be mindful of the tags and stay safe! Feel free to ask if you have questions, see the end of chapter notes for TD;LR. I do not own any of these characters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have more written but for now I thought I'd start with this and see how it goes! I don't actually think it's very good, and I will probably still refine and edit it further, just a heads up.

_Keith fully expected to die on Zarkon’s ship. He’d known what was in store for him the moment he made the decision to kamikaze into the cruisers shield. He had no regrets about that particular decision. The weapon that had been protected by the shield attached to the cruiser had been destroyed. The one thing that had not gone according to plan was that instead of being killed by the impact, he had miraculously survived. The Galra fighter he’d been flying had been destroyed, and the cruiser must have picked him up floating in space. Now he was a prisoner, and he had to assume his team thought he was dead. Which was fine. Preferable even, because this way they wouldn’t do the stupid thing and try to rescue him. Keith fully expected to die on Zarkon’s ship, it was just taking a bit longer than he’d anticipated._

Keith was in agony, magic and electricity pulsed through him, it felt like his veins were on fire, every muscle convulsing violently. It was only when the current stopped that he realized he’d been screaming. His ears rang, and his body went limp in the restraints. The Komar druid stood in front of him, too close for comfort.

“How do we access the Voltron?” He hissed softly into Keith’s face. At least, Keith was pretty sure that’s what he’d said – his ears were still ringing. He stayed silent. The druid hissed again, turning to his counterpart, whom Keith had since nick-named _Grumpy._ The druid was _Doc_ which he felt had a sick kind of irony to it.“Continue the interrogation until I return.” Keith groaned, pulling weakly against the purple straps that kept him in place. Anytime Doc said those words, it meant hours of one-on-one time with Grumpy, who for someone supposed to be continuing an interrogation, didn’t ask many questions. Keith braced himself as Doc left, and Grumpy gave him the evil-eye.

He had no idea how long he’d been on Zarkon’s ship, but he had to assume they would kill him soon. The Galra weren’t known for being patient, and he hadn’t given them anything to work with, so there wasn’t much point in keeping him around. He just had to hold out long enough for them to get sick of him. At that moment, the door opened, and Doc stepped in. “Congratulations,” he started “you have officially become a big enough nuisance to attract the attention of someone with higher…authority than myself.” _Great,_ Keith thought, _I guess they aren’t done with me yet._ Then a new figure stepped into the room, one who, unfortunately, he recognized. Haggar examined him, and Keith’s gut clenched in preparation.

“Make no mistake paladin,” her raspy voice sounded like it was coming from all around him, “the Galra may not have much patience, but I do. We will break you, and you will reveal the secrets of Voltron. It is only a matter of time.” Then she raised her hands, and Keith saw red.

It had been hours since Haggar had started, and she didn’t seem intent on stopping anytime soon. Keith was at a breaking point. His body was so tired that anytime there was a short break in her attacks he couldn’t even attempt to hold himself upright. He just slumped over and threw up. He’d long since thrown up anything that had been left in his stomach, but that didn’t stop his body from gagging all the same. Usually he would pass out too, but Haggar soon put a stop to that.

“How can we access Voltron?” she asked commandingly, as Keith gasped for air between screams. Her voice softened, “If you tell me, the pain will end.” Then she hit him again with her magic. “Little paladin,” she approached his face, “you are almost out of strength. But I am not – tell me how to access Voltron, and I will let you rest.” Keith wanted to rest, more than anything else, but he still had an endgame in mind. He had to stay focused. He just had to outlast their patience, or maybe, he reasoned, he would starve to death. They certainly weren’t feeding him. His throat was raw from screaming, he was parched, hungry, and everything hurt. He realized that Haggar was still looking at him, waiting for him to speak. He clenched his jaw. _Patience yields focus._ “Almost there,” Haggar said, looking back at Grumpy, “this time turn up the power to full, and do not stop until I tell you.” Keith’s conviction almost broke right then and there. Grumpy slid his fingers on the screen, and the electricity coursed through Keith. Through half closed lids he could see Haggar raising her hands.

Weeks. It had to have been weeks since he’d been captured. He couldn’t exactly keep track of the time, but he hadn’t starved yet, so it couldn’t have been more than three, and they kept forcing water down his throat, so it had definitely been more than a few days, if they were worrying about dehydration. They had tried to give him food too, but he immediately threw it up again. They had hardly left him alone, only for a few hours at any given time. He imagined that during these times they went into a secret room to brainstorm new forms of torture. During those times, he usually slept, but right now his gut was tight with anxiety. He’d woken up already, and no one was there. This was unusual because he was usually awakened by a sharp jolt. He hoped they gave up soon, but this longer absence was grating on his nerves. He didn’t want to become their new pet project. At that moment, the door opened again. Haggar, Grumpy, and Doc all stepped in. Keith’s heart sank, he hadn’t seen Doc since Haggar had taken over. All three of them together couldn’t be a good sign. He tried in his mind to imagine the new pain threshold he was about to experience, but he couldn’t. His brain just couldn’t fathom anything worse than what he’d already experienced. Grumpy went to his screen, Haggar and Doc stood on either side of him. Then something unexpected happened. The restraints that were holding him up suddenly fell away. Unprepared, he fell immediately onto the floor. He tried to scramble to his feet, but his aching body wouldn’t cooperate. Then Grumpy was on top of him, kneeling on his back and pulling his wrists together behind him. He was pulled to his feet, and shoved out of the little dark room, into one of the many hallways of Zarkon’s massive ship. His three captors marched him down the hall, Keith stumbling along in front of Grumpy, and occasionally tugging against him with what little strength he could muster. No one had said a word. Keith wondered what new horror they had in store for him. Or maybe they were just planning to toss him out an airlock door and be done with it. That wouldn’t be such a horrible way to go, he reasoned.

Finally, they reached another door. Doc pressed his hand to a pad outside, and it slid open with an ominous hiss of air. Grumpy forcefully shoved him forward, and he tumbled into the new room. The door closed tight behind him. Keith wondered briefly what was going on. Were they just planning on sticking him in a cell until they could think of a new way to interrogate him? That didn’t seem like Haggar. He eyed the new room suspiciously. They hadn’t even bothered to restrain him but looking around he couldn’t see a way out anyways. He was weak, weaponless, and utterly alone with no hope of rescue. The new room was made of the same dark metal and purple hues as the last one, but it seemed to be just a room. He could see small air vents near the floor and ceiling, but otherwise the walls were flat, and there was nothing in here with him. It was then that he heard it. The soft sound of air hissing through a small opening. He dragged himself closer to one of the vents, and holding his breath, put his hand in front of it. He felt the pressure of whatever was being pumped into the room. He struggled to his feet, there was nothing he could do, he had to assume they were pumping some sort of gas into the room, but he had no idea what it would do to him. He scanned the room once more, gaging its measurements. Lying down on the floor he pushed his boot up against the nearest floor vent, and then stretched his arms overhead. It was a strain, but he could just barely place his hand against the other vent. There was nothing he could do about the vents on the ceiling but based on his limited scientific knowledge and the properties of gas, he guessed that those were actually for ventilation purposes. Likely to suck all of the chemicals out of the room and make it safe for his captors to enter, once this chemical had done its work. He was hoping that by blocking the vents and staying close to the floor, he could delay the inevitable, maybe figure out a way to put this whole nightmare to an end, but his brain was foggy, and thoughts were slow to come. His body still hurt, and it felt like the air was getting heavier, harder to breathe. He pressed harder on the vents. Eventually he realized that the gas was intended to knock him out, his limbs felt heavy, and his eyelids drooped. Thankfully, this particular gas didn’t seem designed to hurt, but he didn’t want to know what he was going to wake up to. He held on as long as he could, but eventually the heavy air overtook him, and he slipped away from consciousness.

When he next woke up, he was lying on a hard, metal surface, horizontal instead of vertical as he had been before, and he was restrained again. Someone had removed his paladin armour and now he wore the same black jumpsuit he remembered Shiro had been wearing when they rescued him. He didn’t have the worn shirt though, and there was something sticking out of his arm. Through the haze of half-consciousness, Keith had a moment of panic – had they taken his arm too? Was that why they had wanted to knock him out like that? But no, he realized as his vision became steadier, his arm was still there, they had just inserted what looked like a sinister version of an IV into it. There was a metal cuff all around his elbow, and out of it protruded another small cylinder of metal, out of which a tube ran away off the edge of the table-like surface, where Keith could no longer see it. He tried to lift his head, but it seemed that they had added another restraint over his forehead. He couldn’t move a muscle, and he couldn’t look around the room or see the door. It was utterly black except for the low purple light emanating from the emblems on the walls, and the purple screen he could just make out to his left. He became dimly aware that there was something digging into each vertebrae of his spine. The more consciousness he gained, the more wary he became. What could they possibly be planning now? _Don’t ask that._ He brain reprimanded. He closed his eyes again. Might as well try and get some sleep if they weren’t going to come and interrupt his speculating. _It’ll be over soon._ He thought to himself, _I have to stay strong for the team. They think I’m dead, but it’d be so much worse if I betrayed them, and THEN died. Loyal and dead is definitely better than a traitor and dead. I just have to last until they kill me, or I find a way to do it myself. I definitely can’t get out of here by myself._ It was grim, and he knew it, but he also knew he wasn’t willing to become another Galra experiment. He wouldn’t let them turn him into a weapon. _But how will you stop them?_ The voice in the back of his head spoke up. Keith ignored it, he wasn’t going to give into those thoughts yet, but he knew deep down that it didn’t matter what the Galra did to him. He would die eventually, and then nothing would matter anymore. He hoped the rest of the team was ok. He hoped they never found out what had actually happened to him.

It turned out that what Haggar had in mind was more “interrogation.” They electrocuted him, poked at him, sliced at him, used their magic on him, and more or less continued on as usual. Eventually Keith figured out that the horror-IV was keeping him alive. That must have been why they moved him into this room. A more viable torture-chamber where they could keep him as long as they wanted, and they didn’t have to worry about him throwing up the food they had tried to force-feed him before. They just kept him hooked up and carried on as usual. This new metal surface also was moveable. Sometimes they changed the axis of it so that he was standing up in his restraints, but mostly they kept him lying down. Keith suspected this was because they thought it would be more disorienting the less, he could see. They were right. He had much preferred being upright. Sometimes they would introduce new forms of torture or combine various methods. Keith wasn’t even sure anymore how he had avoided telling them anything. He supposed part of it (for which he was grateful) was that he didn’t actually know the answer to their questions. _“How do we access Voltron?” Uhm, maybe be a Paladin?_ He couldn’t have helped them if he’d wanted to. Surely, they would figure that out soon. Didn’t _Zarkon_ know that?

“Do you know how long you’ve been here?” Haggar’s voice was close and sharp in the small room. _No but I’m guessing you’ll tell me._ Keith thought. “You’ve been here for six months, little Paladin. Your friends don’t even know you’re alive – you should have given up on any hope of rescue by now.” _Rescue?_ Was that why they thought he was keeping quiet? Because he was entertaining the possibility of rescue? Unwittingly, Haggar had just added iron to his will. He just had to hold out until they deemed him useless. “Of course,” Haggar continued, “if they knew you were alive then perhaps, they would try to rescue you. A fool’s errand, but it might make for a perfect trap.” Now Keith’s blood ran cold. His mind kicked into overdrive. _They wouldn’t – they’re not stupid. They would know it’s a trap. They wouldn’t, but I can’t let them find out, they can’t know I’m alive. But I can’t say anything, Haggar will know. She’ll know I’m lying._ He closed his eyes and tried to bring a serene expression to his face. He wanted her to think he wasn’t concerned, there was no way his friends would be such idiots. He heard her laugh softly under her breath and prepared for the next onslaught, but it never came. Haggar had left. Dread quickly overwhelmed him.

In the coming weeks Haggar did not come back alone again. Everything seemed to have gone back to usual, but Keith could feel his will wearing thin. He didn’t want to wait around until Haggar deemed it the right time to alert his friends. He needed to figure out a way to end this, before he said something he regretted. He should have been dead already, and he desperately searched for anything he could do to end things on his own terms. He had been thinking for a long time that he wished he could just detach the IV – but even if he could, they would notice immediately. More time passed, and he started to feel desperate. His dread before each new interrogation grew, and he could feel in his gut that something was about to change. Something big was about to happen, and he had a feeling he didn’t want to be around for it.

Grumpy was alone with him again. He’d been showing up by himself for the past few “sessions” and Keith didn’t think it was a good sign that Haggar and Doc were taking time away. He decided he would take a risk. It wasn’t a great plan, because it depended on the personality he had projected onto Grumpy in their limited interactions. If Grumpy turned out to be level-headed, instead of the quick-to-anger temperament Keith was banking on, then it would fail, and he would have broken a crucial barrier. But he had to risk it, if there was any chance that it could work then he had to take it. He wondered if his voice would still work, after not having used it for so long.

“Hey,” he croaked softly, “Hey! Hey ugly!” He added fervor and malice to his tone, directing it at Grumpy, who looked up from his screen, taken aback. “Did you hear me?” Keith asked, “I said you’re ugly.” Grumpy frowned at him, but he didn’t seem particularly bothered, just curious. This wasn’t working, but Keith wasn’t ready to give up yet. “Aren’t you sick of this?” He asked, “I mean what did you do to piss off your commander and get stuck in here with me every day? Are you stupid or something? Did you screw up and instead of banishing you to some ice planet they just exiled you down here? I mean what kind of victory are you supposed to get? That’s the Galra way, right? Victory or death? So, I guess the higher-ups decided to assign you down here until you die?” Grumpy definitely looked grumpier than before, but he wasn’t angry enough for what Keith had in mind. His strategy wasn’t working. He shut up. He would have to figure something else out. It was then that Haggar entered.

“How is the little paladin today?” She asked Grumpy,

“There’s been a new development.” Grumpy responded, and Keith closed his eyes.

“What is it?”

“He spoke Ma’am.”

“Well, well, well…” Keith could hear Haggar approaching, her footsteps clinking on the metal floor. “That is interesting,” Haggar crowed next to his ear, “perhaps then he will have something to say today after all. Raise him up.” Keith felt the surface beneath him starting to tilt as the platform raised to a vertical position. He still didn’t open his eyes. “It’s been a year since we captured you, little paladin.” Haggar continued, “I think it’s about time to try something new – don’t you?” Her question hung in the air like a threat. “Bring it in.” Her tone was clipped, business-like. Keith finally opened his eyes. Doc was entering the room, and in front of him floated a drone. Keith felt confusion wash over him – were they going to get the drone to shoot at him? It would hurt, but it was nothing compared to what they had already done. Then something strange happened. Haggar looked at Doc and the druid nodded. The drone whirred quietly and then Haggar began to speak.

“Hello, paladins of Voltron.” Too late Keith realized what was happening. _No, no, no, no, no,_ his brain pleaded. He had to warn them, he had to say something.

“It’s a trap!” He groaned, “Don’t listen to her – it’s –“ he screamed, but it was cut off suddenly, as Grumpy shoved something into his mouth. Somehow it sealed around his lips, and he couldn’t spit it out.

“Start it again” said Haggar calmly, as Keith struggled to force his jaw open. He stared at the drone in horror, trying to communicate with his eyes. _Don’t you dare listen to her, it’s a trap – stay away!_

“Hello, paladins of Voltron,” Haggar began again. Doc had moved behind the table, and Keith, and he couldn’t see what he was doing back there. Grumpy hadn’t moved from behind the screen. “as you can clearly see – we have your friend. He’s been with us since our last battle with you.” She gestured at the drone and it panned up Keith’s body, zooming in on his face. He tried to shake his head, but he couldn’t move. “If you want to see him alive again, you have three quintants to make your way to these coordinates and hand over Voltron.” _No, they won’t do that._ Keith almost felt relieved. The order was ridiculous – no one person was worth handing over Voltron for. And three quintants…it was almost over. He only had to last three more quintants. He just wished his friends could have gone without seeing him at all. He wished they would have never found out that he’d been captured in the first place. “Now,” Haggar said, _what now?_ Keith thought, “until your arrival, this is the treatment your friend will receive.” Keith barely had time to think before Grumpy ripped the gag out of his mouth and several things stabbed into his spine. It was incredible pain; he couldn’t help but scream – and what was worse is he could feel something else besides the stabbing and Haggar’s magic. Something from those points in his back, some _substance_ was entering his body and lighting his insides on fire. He could feel it oozing out from his spine across his back. He couldn’t stop screaming and straining against the restraints. That was when Grumpy added the proverbial cherry on top – he had also gone behind Keith it seemed, and now there were lashes of agony ripping across his back. Keith wondered belatedly through the pain how they were managing to do this with the platform in the way, and then he remembered Doc. _Right – he was tinkering around behind me before – maybe they’re using magic._ Suddenly Haggar spoke up, “Enough!” Grumpy stopped, but the terrible burning ooze continued. Keith moaned, wishing he could squirm against the pain, but trying to contain his screams from the drone. His back felt utterly destroyed. Haggar moved to his side again, “This is just a taste,” she said to the drone, “of the horrors he will face each second until you come.” She tilted her head at Grumpy who suddenly turned off the restraint around Keith’s left wrist. He still couldn’t move the upper half of his arm though, and Grumpy clasped his forearm roughly. Keith realized a split second before what was about to happen. His eyes widened and Grumpy twisted. He felt the bones pop and crack under Grumpy’s huge hands, and his vision went white. When he finished screaming, he threw up. “Hurry, little paladins.” He heard Haggar say, and then the drone stopped whirring.

Haggar and her crew of horrors didn’t stop there. Over the next several hours Keith felt his pain threshold expanding past what he thought possible. They whipped and sliced and punched and clawed. Grumpy broke several more bones, and Doc injected more burning solutions into every limb, and stuck multiple needles into him. Haggar pummeled him with more and more of her magic. Keith wanted to die. He had never wanted anything so badly before. He wanted this to end, he wanted three quintants to be done. It had to be soon. Finally, they relented and left him. They didn’t bother to lower the platform, they just left him hanging upright in the room. In a way, he was grateful because he could see the door, and he wasn’t lying on his ruined back. Several hours of groaning and moaning later, they returned and started the process again.

The next time they left, they did lower the platform, to his dismay. He couldn’t even move an inch to relieve the pressure, and his vision was very foggy from all the pain. In fact, all of his senses were discombobulated – one of his ears wouldn’t stop ringing, and his nose was full of the scent of dried blood, while his mouth tasted like iron. He didn’t even notice when someone else entered the room. Abruptly he saw a figure out of his left eye, cautiously approaching. _That’s weird,_ he thought _none of them are ever careful._ He suddenly realized that there was no longer any ambient light in the room other than his restraints – even the purple emblems had stopped glowing. The dark figure got closer. The outline looked familiar.

“Keith?” It whispered softly, “Keith I’m here – we’re getting you out.” The voice was familiar too, but the words didn’t make any sense. His mind struggled through the pulsing pain to connect the dots. “Don’t worry, I’m getting you out.” The voice sounded determined; the figure looked like he was fiddling with something on the underside of the platform. Keith miraculously found his voice, “Who…?” he trailed off into coughs, and felt blood flecking his face. “Shhhh,” the voice hushed “It’s Shiro – don’t talk, it’s ok.” _Shiro?_ It was like a sudden burst of electricity in his brain, he could feel the wheels beginning to turn again.

“Shiro!” he hissed, “What are you doing here – you have to leave – it’s a _trap!”_ He felt panic and adrenaline shooting through his body, and the pain subsided slightly “You have to get out of here!” He tried to put as much force into his voice as he could without shouting.

“Shhhh!” Shiro hushed him again, “Not without you – stay quiet, I’m getting you out of here.”

“NO!” As Keith shouted, Shiro lunged to cover his mouth,

“I’m sorry Keith! I’m sorry, but you have to stay quiet – we know it’s a trap, it’s ok!” Keith desperately tried to bite his hand away, but to no avail. “I’m sorry,” Shiro said quietly, as he brought something glinting out of his side-pouch. “When you wake up, this’ll all be over.” Keith could recognize a needle anywhere. He struggled against Shiro, but he was still completely pinned by the restraints. Shiro quickly stuck the needle into his neck and pushed the plunger on the syringe. Keith’s world faded away.

He had brief moments of consciousness afterwards. Someone carrying him as they ran through black hallways, strangely devoid of purple. Voices shouting. At one point his leg crashed into something and he thought he cried out. There was a sound of blasters and many running feet. Then he was laid down in a bright space onto something cushioned and gave way to unconsciousness once more. When he started to wake up again, he was still in the brightly lit space, lying on a soft bench of some kind. There were straps around him, but they were fabric and looked adjustable, like seatbelts. They didn’t put up much resistance as he rolled painfully onto his side, groaning. He was in some kind of ship. It looked familiar. He couldn’t see outside, but he guessed that he was no longer inside Zarkon’s ship. So, where was he? He tried to sit up, but it proved too painful.

“Keith?” A voice suddenly came through the open doorway to his left, “Are you awake back there?” The voice sounded very concerned. _Shiro…_ his brain supplied. All the memories came rushing back to him, and now he too was concerned. Had they really rescued him? Where they stupid? Did they all make it out ok? What happened? He had so many questions. The sudden rush of adrenaline allowed him to sit up – not without some difficulty though. “Keith?!” Shiro’s voice came from the cockpit again, “Pidge, Keith is awake!” _“What?! Oh no!”_ Keith dimly heard another voice from Shiro’s comm. _Pidge…_ “Hang on Keith – I’m coming back!” The trajectory of the lion suddenly evened out as Shiro put it in autopilot. A moment later Keith saw him as he ducked through the open doorway. He had a look of concern etched on his face, which only increased when he saw Keith. “You’re sitting up?” He said incredulously, “Lie down!” Keith did not lie down – now that the adrenaline had faded again, he was afraid to move. He just stared at Shiro. _Maybe I am dead._ He thought, _this doesn’t seem possible._ Instead of voicing his thoughts out loud, he cleared his throat,

“How…?” He started but couldn’t seem to find a good end to the sentence. He tried again, “Did you…?” he started coughing again. Frustrated, he tried to clear his throat again, as Shiro approached cautiously, and knelt in front of him.

“Keith,” he started, “I’ll explain everything when we get back to the Castle of Lions, ok? But right now, you need to take it easy. Please – just lie down and try to rest until we get back.” Keith shook his head,

“No, I want –” _this damn coughing needs to stop!_ He thought angrily, as they overtook him again

“I know,” Shiro grabbed his shoulders gently, and Keith gasped, “I’m sorry,” Shiro said as he gently guided a protesting Keith back to a lateral position on the bench. “Just stay down, please.” He said, “Here,” He held out a bottle of water, “you must be dehydrated, drink some – please.” Keith looked back at him defiantly, but as Shiro tipped the water towards him, he opened his mouth to drink. Sitting back, Shiro sighed “You weren’t supposed to wake up until we got you back to the castle – I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” Keith managed, but Shiro’s face twisted in pain, “What? Is something wrong? Are the others…” Keith couldn’t finish the sentence, but Shiro looked at him in surprise,

“No! They – _we’re_ fine!” He assured, “It’s just…”

“What?” Keith asked, “What’s wrong Shiro?” Shiro looked back at him in disbelief before asking;

“Are you really that clueless?” Keith glared back at him, and Shiro put his face in his hands. “We – _I_ left you behind! You were captured by the Galra all this time, and we didn’t even know! I thought you were dead – I should have done more! I should have – “

“Stop!” Keith interrupted, “Shiro – stop.” Shiro’s shoulders were shaking, his face still resting in his hands. Keith tried to form coherent thoughts, “Shiro it – it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know, none of you did! How could you have? I – when I did, what I did, I wasn’t supposed to survive. I should be dead! None of this was supposed to happen! Anyone would have assumed I died. I never wanted you guys to find out that I made it.” Shiro had raised his head, looking at him in shock,

“What are you talking about?” He asked softly, “As soon as we found out – of _course_ we were going to come rescue you!”

“You shouldn’t have!” Keith yelled, “You put the entire universe in danger by risking Voltron! I’m not worth that!”

“You’re our team member – you’re our _friend_ – we don’t have Voltron without you, and even if we did, we would have gone up against Zarkon’s entire fleet once we knew you were alive! I don’t care about what we risked, we’ve done it before and if one person isn’t worth defending then can we really call ourselves paladins? I think of you as a _brother_ Keith – “he cut himself off, “Look – It doesn’t matter now. Everyone made it out ok, and you’re safe again. Just rest, please.”

Keith wasn’t done yet, he tried to sit up again, “No, Keith.” Shiro put his arm out and stopped him, he was barely exerting any force, but Keith couldn’t fight him. Straight-faced, Shiro tightened the straps around Keith and tied the ends so he couldn’t adjust them. “Sorry, but you need to stay down. You’re badly hurt, and I don’t want you to do more damage before we can get you back to the castle.”

“What did you mean you don’t have Voltron without me?” Keith asked suddenly, “Didn’t you find someone else to pilot Red?” Shiro looked at him,

“No. We didn’t.” Keith stared back, wide-eyed. “You’ve been a _year_ without Voltron?!”

“It hasn’t been easy,” Shiro admitted, “but we managed. We haven’t lost anyone in the coalition yet, and we won’t. The Galra empire is slowly getting smaller. Zarkon’s fleet just took a pretty big hit too.” He added, glancing at Keith.

“Do you mean when you guys rescued _me?”_

“Yeah – it was elaborate for such a fast plan, but everyone put their heads together after we received Haggar’s…message, and we moved as quickly as possible.” Keith vividly remembered that recording. He closed his eyes against the memory of Grumpy twisting his arm, and shuddered. Shiro noticed, and continued, “Yeah it was horrifying, there are no two ways about it. But I’m glad we discovered you were alive. You have no idea how glad everyone was – shocked of course, and scared out of our minds, but we knew right then and there that we were going to get you out.” Keith blinked at him, “Don’t say we shouldn’t have – you won’t convince anyone of that.” Shiro emphasised. “We missed you Keith.” Then he turned away slightly, speaking into his comm:

“Yeah guys, he’s wide awake – I know but what am I supposed to do? Leave him back here by himself? You could tow me, but won’t that be a rough ride? Besides,” he eyed Keith suspiciously, “I don’t trust that he’ll stay down – it’s Keith.” Keith rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. He didn’t have the energy. “Yeah ok – you sure Lance?” He glanced back at Keith again, “Alright – get over here – Hunk you’re good to tow Blue right? Good. See you in a few ticks.” He turned back to Keith, “Lance is on his way over – he’ll sit with you the rest of the trip back, I’m going to go fly my Lion again so we can get there faster.”

“I don’t need a babysitter – least of all Lance.” Keith muttered,

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Shiro smirked back at him, “I’m going to go let him in – stay put.” _Couldn’t move even if I wanted to._ Keith thought privately as Shiro went to the back. Unfortunately, Shiro had secured him more firmly than he knew – if he hadn’t been so badly injured Keith could have gotten out no problem, but as it was there was no way. It was giving him unpleasant flashbacks to his table on Zarkon’s ship. A few moments later Shiro emerged with Lance in tow. Shiro threw another look Keith’s way before climbing back into the cockpit. “Keep me updated Lance.”

“Will do.” Lance flashed a thumbs up in Shiro’s direction, but his eyes were on Keith. “Damn, you look terrible.” He said finally. Keith sighed,

“Hello Lance. Good to see you too.”

“Damn! You _sound_ terrible too!” Lance sat back and crossed his arms behind his head, his expression morphing from playful to concerned. “Do you want some water?”

“Already had some.” Lance eyed him disbelievingly,

“Shiro – did he – ok.” He nodded along to whatever Shiro had just said into his helmet comm.

“You guys really don’t trust me, do you?” Keith asked dryly.

“Only when it has to do with you taking care of yourself – I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re kinda bad at that.” Lance’s tone was teasing, but his face was still concerned.

“Would you stop looking at me like that? I’m not going to spontaneously combust!” _At least, I don’t think so,_ he thought.

“Alright, alright – take it easy.” Lance said, raising his eyes to the ceiling. “Just worried about you buddy.” Keith sighed,

“I know – I appreciate it but just…I’m ok – ok?” Lance looked at him again,

“Yeah - you’re definitely _not_ ok, but I’ll try to be a little less overbearing.” He listened to something on his comm again, “I can try but I doubt it.” He responded, glancing dubiously at Keith.

“What?” Keith asked,

“The other guys are wondering if you would consider trying to sleep. I know you must be in a lot of pain right now, but if you manage to pass out, we’ll be back at the Castle in no time and then Pidge is going to try and fix that.” Keith considered him for a moment,

“Ok, fine.” He looked away from Lance and back at the ceiling,

“Really?”

“Yeah, sleep sounds nice.”

“Huh. Ok then.”

“Just do me one favour.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t watch me while I sleep – it’s creepy.” Lance’s laugh echoed around them,

“Ok buddy – but I’m right here if you need me ok?”

“Sure.” Still chuckling, Lance sat back against the wall by Keith’s head, facing towards the cockpit. Keith closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long first chapter, probably not all the chapters will be this long. TD;LR: Keith is tortured for about a year by Haggar and her cronies before his friends find out he's alive and come to rescue him. They succeed and he ends up a passenger on Shiro's lion, with Lance supervising.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorryyyyy it took so long. Truth is, I had to figure out which direction I wanted to take this fic. Originally, I wrote it to be SUPER angsty, and there was no healing pod to speak of. Honestly, I have about 40 pages written of just dealing with all of Keith's various injuries, but as much research as went into that...I didn't think that it made for a very interesting story (not that much happens in this chapter to further the actual plot - sorry in advance.) Let me know if that is something you're actually interested in and want me to post at some point, but for now, this is what I came up with (don't worry, there's still plenty of angst.)

Keith didn’t sleep on the ride back to the Castle. He did try, but the pain was getting more and more unbearable every minute. He suspected that whatever Shiro had given him was still wearing off. He kept his eyes closed and tried to feign sleep for Lance’s benefit, but his façade didn’t last long.

“I think he finally drifted off.” He heard Lance speaking quietly into his comm,

“Good,” Shiro responded from the cockpit, “we should be there in another two vargas.”

“Can’t we get there any faster?” Lance sounded frustrated,

“I wish we could, but remember we used a wormhole on purpose so that if things went south Haggar couldn’t get to Coran and the Castle. We can’t risk all that intelligence falling into the wrong hands, and other than the Castle defences they’d have been completely on their own – “

“Yeah, yeah I know!” Lance cut him off, “He just doesn’t look good.” Keith tried to keep his face neutral,

“I’m going as fast as I can.” He heard Shiro say quietly. Then there was a loud clunking noise, a sudden explosion and the sound of Lance yelling. Keith was suddenly thrusted sideways into the wall of the bench where he was lying, and he cried out as his mangled arm was crushed between his torso and the metal of the wall.

“Keith!” He heard Lance cry, and then suddenly everything evened out again. “What was that?!” Lance shouted to Shiro,

“It was one of those cloaked crystals from before!” Shiro shouted back, “Pidge is scanning for the rest of them now – one or two must have failed to detonate!” Lance took a couple deep breaths and made his way over to Keith, who was trying to school his expression away from agony and towards what he hoped looked like mild discomfort.

“Where you even asleep?” Lance asked. Keith gritted his teeth,

“Yes.” Lance crossed his arms,

“You sure about that?”

“Hey – you would wake up too if you got slammed into a wall!” Keith could feel one of the bones in his arm sharply, it felt like the slightest movement would cause it to pierce right through his skin. He was nauseous again too. He tried not to look at his arm and closed his eyes against the pain.

“Dude, you’re white as a sheet.” Lance came closer, “Where exactly did you crash into the wall?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Keith bit out, “I’m fine.”

“Keith – let me help you.” Keith opened his eyes and vertigo overtook him. He groaned,

“Ugh – I’m gonna throw up.” Lance’s eyes widened, and he started untying the straps that held Keith down,

“Ok, I’m going to gently roll you onto your side, so you don’t choke – ok?” Keith panicked,

“No – don’t!” Lance froze,

“Why not?!”

“I can’t move, my arm – the bone will – “Keith couldn’t finish his sentence, but Lance suddenly looked determined.

“Ok, I understand – no movement.” He started tying the straps down again. “Shiro I need you to do something!” He called,

“What? Everything ok back there?”

“Not quite – I need you to pass me back a bag or something, and then turn the gravity generator off! I’ll explain in a moment – be quick!” Keith could feel bile rising in his throat. Suddenly Lance had a bag in his hand. He floated over Keith, “It’s ok, I got you.”

Keith lost what little contents his stomach had held then, but instead of choking him they flew upwards in the zero gravity and into the bag Lance held. When it was over, Lance quickly cinched the bag and secured it to the edge of the bench. “Just in case.” He said, looking back at Keith. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” Keith lied. Lance gave him a look,

“Ok, I’m going to ask Shiro to turn the gravity back on – “a sudden expression dawned on his face, “wait – does it help to have the gravity off? This way there’s less pressure on you!” Keith looked back into Lance’s excited face. Yes, he realized – his back was in slightly less agony now that he wasn’t pressing into the bench as much.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, “it helps.” Lance grinned back at him,

“Shiro keep the gravity off ok? It’s better for Keith!”

“No problem! Great idea Lance!” Lance looked back at Keith and squinted discerningly,

“Hang on,” he said, “I’m gonna try something.” He climbed carefully down to the straps and loosened each one by about a half inch. Keith felt himself slowly rising until he was floating just above the bench, his back no longer touching the metal. It was instant relief.

“Thanks Lance,” he breathed,

“Glad I could help – let’s just hope we don’t slam into anything else.”

“We won’t – I’ll make sure of it.” Shiro responded,

“How much longer?”

“About half a varga left! We’re almost there!” Keith looked back at Lance,

“I’m going back to sleep.” He said,

“Sure you are.” Lance replied, crossing his arms while he floated next to the bench. Keith sighed and closed his eyes again. Trying to ignore the piercing, throbbing pain.

Several doboshes later Keith started to feel the Lion decelerating, “We’re coming in for landing Lance – we’re about to have gravity again so get ready!” Shiro called,

“On it!” Keith felt Lance tugging lightly on the straps again, pulling him back to the bench, “Sorry – but this way you won’t drop onto it.” He reassured. Keith opened his eyes about halfway, but his vision was blurry. He felt confused – all his senses were overwhelmed. Suddenly there was weight again and he felt pressure pushing him into the bench – he heard himself yell, and for a second couldn’t remember how to stop. He could just barely make out Lance’s shocked expression through the haze over his eyes. Suddenly all movement stopped, and he heard another voice yelling back,

“What happened?!”

“I don’t know!” Lance was talking just above him, “The gravity came back on and he just screamed! We have to get him into the castle – but how are we going to move him?”

“I’ll have to carry him – there’s no other way.” _No…_ Keith tried to open his mouth and say the words, but he felt like he was floating in a thick fog, disconnected. The only thing he could remember was the sharp bone sticking up in his arm. He knew it was a bad idea to move, he needed to tell them – strong arms started to close around him. His fight or flight response kicked in and he felt himself flop weakly against their grip, but they held on firmly, “I’ve got you Keith – it’s ok.” Another voice broke in,

“Wait – I don’t think we should move him!” It was too late. As Shiro lifted, Keith felt something puncture his arm. He didn’t remember screaming, just a sudden convulsion that felt like it ripped through his entire body. Then nothing.

When Keith woke up, he was once again lying down. This time the surface felt softer, and the room was brighter. He squinted his eyes against the light.

“How are you awake again?” Shiro’s voice echoed over him, and his face suddenly appeared in Keith’s line of vision, “Pidge he’s already awake – where are you with that serum?”

“Almost ready!” The thin cry came from somewhere in the back of the room. Keith tried to focus his eyes on Shiro’s face, but the more he woke, the more pain he felt.

“Where am I?” He managed. He meant _where is this in the castle,_ because the room looked unfamiliar, but Shiro’s face twisted with concern.

“We’re inside the Castle of Lions, we’re just getting ready to transfer you to a healing pod.”

It took him longer than he wished it had to understand Shiro’s words. _Healing pod._ That was the best idea he’d heard in a while.

“Don’t worry we’re going to give you something for the pain so we can get you into the suit – just hang in there for a minute longer.” Shiro sounded stressed, but Keith still couldn’t focus on anything. A tuft of brown hair suddenly popped up near the edge of the bed.

“Here.” It said, “It should hopefully work better than the other one.”

“Thanks Pidge,” Shiro turned back to Keith, “Ok, you’re going to feel a small pinch and then everything should stop hurting ok?” _Small pinch…_ Keith looked blankly back at Shiro, who raised a small syringe to eyelevel. The sight of it activated something visceral inside Keith. His heart lurched - he didn’t even remember moving but suddenly he was crashing to the floor, and Shiro was on his ass a few feet away. Pidge was standing back, she looked shocked.

“Keith!” she yelled, “Shiro are you ok?!” Shiro was rubbing his eye but already starting to stand up again,

“I’m fine – he got me, but I’m good.” He looked around the floor quickly, “Grab that.” He gestured towards something glinting on the floor, _the syringe_ “I’m going to hold him, but you’ll need to administer it.”

“Got it.” Pidge frowned with determination, and darted to grab it, while Shiro took careful steps towards where Keith was still lying on the floor, trying to get his bearings while the world tilted around him.

“Keith,” he said gently, “I know you’re scared right now. Try to breathe. Trust me.” An image of the syringe floated in Keith’s mind. He tried to force himself off the floor, but every movement felt like it would tip him off the edge of a steep ledge. Shiro was standing over him now, and he leaned down. “Relax, it’s ok.” He firmly grasped Keith’s shoulders, and squatted next to his torso, rolling him as gently as possible until he was on his back. Keith gasped. “Now Pidge.” Shiro said calmly, and Pidge came up beside him, clutching the needle in hand. Now Keith started to fight in earnest, struggling against Shiro’s grip. “How is he doing this?” Shiro groaned, holding firm, “With his injuries this should be impossible!”

“I don’t know,” Pidge said, kneeling down. Keith shoved as hard as he could against Shiro, who grunted but didn’t back off. Pidge was closing the distance but at the last second, she paused, “you need to hold his head still, otherwise I might accidentally stab him!”

“I’m a little busy with the rest of him,” Shiro clamped tighter onto Keith’s torso, “Lance – get in here!” A moment later Lance ran in. He scanned the situation quickly,

“What the – “

“Not now Lance – I need you to get over here and hold his head as tightly as you can. Otherwise Pidge will stab him!” Lance’s jaw tightened as he approached and kneeled by Keith’s head. He clasped his hands on either side of Keith’s ears, and squeezed.

“No…” Keith said as they held him in place, but a second later the needle pinched the side of his neck, and a heavy blackness clouded his vision.

_Keith was dreaming that he was rescued. His friends had come to save him, and now he was finally back in the Castle of Lions. His body still ached, but no one was torturing him. There were bright walls all around, and his friends were hovering over him, looks of concern etched on their faces. The dream shifted and Shiro was offering him water. Then suddenly hands were lifting and turning him, and the world was spinning. In the dream he felt vertigo taking hold. Then suddenly he was back on the Galra ship and the whole world was agony. Then everything spiralled again, and it felt like landing inside his own body._

Everything looked blue, and he was not lying on his back. It was these things that reminded him he was no longer on the Galra ship. Everything ached, and as he blinked his eyes shut against the brightness, the unbidden image of a syringe flashed through his head. He wasn’t quite ready to be unconscious again. Not yet. He tried taking a deep breath, but his ribs protested, and it caused him to cough instead. His throat still felt dry. The material of his clothes felt strange, and again he felt the urge to open his eyes to examine it. He hadn’t heard anyone else in the room with him, but he didn’t totally trust his senses yet. He decided to just open his eyes a sliver. As the brightness pierced into them again, he saw the empty, circular expanse of room in front of him. _How do I get out of this thing?_ He wondered, glancing around for a red, ‘eject’ button somewhere. As if the Altean tech had read his mind, the blue shield dissipated. He stumbled forwards out of the pod and sat down heavily on the steps just in front of it. His eyes were wide open now, and even lifting his head felt like an Olympian effort but looking around felt like a necessity. No one was there. They must have expected him to be unconscious longer. _I wonder if I can stand up again._ His body still felt heavy from the ministrations of the pod, and for the first time in a very long time, pain wasn’t the only thing he could feel.

It was strange to be unsupervised. He still felt like he was being watched. He tried to distract himself from the prickly sensation by examining the suit covering his skin. This one was white instead of black, another reminder of the stark contrast to his situation. The material was light and soft instead of the thick, rough, material he’d been trapped in. It felt like it would stretch if he moved. Testing that theory, he reached his arms out to the sides, something he hadn’t been able to do for almost a full year. It hurt to move, but when nothing constricted his freedom, something bright fluttered in his chest. _This doesn’t feel real._ For a brief second of paranoia, he wondered if it _was_ real. Maybe he’d simply snapped under the pressure of the Galra’s torture, or this was some new form of Haggar’s magic meant to catch him off-guard. Even the thought made his pulse race, and he couldn’t stop himself from glancing around again, waiting for the threat to pop out at him. Nothing did.

His head pounded around inside his skull; he felt the sudden urge to _move._ He got to his feet and was immediately faint. He wondered if he could remember the way back to his old room. At that moment, he heard the sounds of feet pounding towards him from the connected hallway. He tensed in spite of himself.

Six people in pajamas came hurtling into the room. Well, four people and two Alteans. They were familiar even after a year apart. Of course, _technically,_ he’d already reunited with Shiro and Lance, but it was all so fuzzy in his memory, he didn’t mind taking the time to drink them in, the same as the others. Shiro looked tense, Lance and Pidge looked uncertain, Hunk tentatively hopeful, Allura and Coran anxious. All of them were staring at him. It made his skin itch.

“Keith?” Shiro was the first to break the silence, stepping towards him cautiously, like he was afraid Keith might try to bolt. Keith supposed that was a reasonable assumption to draw, considering. He tried to relax his posture a little, and then realized that they were all waiting for him to speak. He dimly remembered talking to Lance aboard the Black Lion, but using his words still felt awkward after so long maintaining a strict silence. Again, he had to push aside the rising tide of memories that threatened to engulf him. He cleared his throat experimentally,

“Hey, guys.” He tried, gaging their reactions. Hunk smiled and Lance grinned, Shiro’s eyebrows furrowed, Pidge smirked, and both Alteans looked askance. As a group, they started to crowd towards him. This time, he took an involuntary step back, causing all of them to stop in their tracks, except Shiro, who held out his hands in a soothing gesture as he stepped within arm’s reach of Keith.

“You weren’t in their for very long,” Shiro said, jerking his chin towards where the healing pod stood empty. Before he could follow-up that statement, Keith interrupted;

“Nice to see you too,” he commented dryly. The next words were a little more difficult to dredge up. “What…what happened?” His eyes found Shiro’s face, “Why do you have a black eye?” He didn’t think that had been there when they rescued him. Shiro bit his bottom lip but didn’t respond right away. Keith could tell he was preparing to lie – Shiro had always been a terrible liar.

“It’s nothing – just a bump from one of the sentries on our way out, it just took this long to bruise. What do you remember?” Keith sighed, but didn’t press the issue.

“I remember…waking up, I think. Pidge was there, and you. I think I fell off the – wait!” His memories suddenly slid back into place, “Did I do that?!” Shiro looked away guiltily but didn’t answer, “Shiro – what did I do? I’m sorry I – “Shiro cut him off with a wave,

“It’s fine Keith, don’t worry about it. It was my fault really – I should have known you’d have that reaction. You were disoriented and scared, and I didn’t think.”

“Wait…” Keith was still waiting for the last piece to fall into place in his head, “why did I punch you?” Shiro didn’t respond. “Shiro,” Keith started again “tell me – please.” Shiro looked away up to the ceiling,

“I’m not sure that’s best right now Keith – we’ll discuss it when you’ve gotten more of your strength back.” He was using his ‘commander’ voice. Keith knew that tone. He glared back and blew out a long puff of air,

“I’m not a child anymore Shiro – would you just tell me what happened?”

“Later,” Shiro said, his jaw setting stubbornly in place. His eyes softened as he looked Keith over again, “How are you feeling?”

Truthfully, Keith still felt battered and unsteady on his feet, but on the other hand, he also felt better than he had in months. He decided to focus on the latter truth:

“Better.” It was Shiro’s turn to sigh. He rubbed a hand over his face and turned away slightly to offer the others an exasperated twitch of his mouth. All of them mirrored his reaction, and Keith tried not to feel offended. He wasn’t particularly successful.

“Well you _look_ exhausted,” Lance piped up, eliciting nods and vague noises of assent from the rest of the group. Keith felt exhausted. All the way in his bones.

“I was just going to go to bed,” he admitted, half-begrudgingly. A brief look of approval passed over Shiro’s face, before Coran spoke.

“I’m not sure why the healing pod spat you out so quickly,” he fussed, moving towards the pod in question, “it’s supposed to keep patients in stasis until they’ve made a full recovery, and from the extent of your injuries,” he paused to frown, “I seriously doubt that you have.” Keith looked down at his own arm, and then held it up for evidence, ignoring the fire that ripped across his shoulder blades from the movement.

“Nothing seems to be broken anymore.”

“Hm,” Coran’s frown only deepened. Keith was starting to feel like the floor wasn’t quite so stationary under his feet anymore.

“I’m going to bed.” He announced, edging around them all towards the hallway.

“Just like that?” Hunk asked, “You’re sure you don’t want to…I don’t know,” he fidgeted uncomfortably, wringing his hands out, “talk? Hug it out? Something?”

_Absolutely not._ Everything about this still felt too good to be true, and Keith wasn’t anxious to shatter the illusion. But he could tell the rest of them were as unsatisfied by his behaviour as Hunk was.

“I’m pretty tired,” he emphasized, “maybe later.” He couldn’t help looking at Shiro when he said _later._ Scanning the group of them once more, every single expression looked back at him with blatant confusion.

“It’s good to have you back, Keith.” Allura intoned, her eyes searching.

“You sure you don’t want that hug?” Hunk offered again, before Pidge elbowed him unsubtly. Keith put a hand to the corner of wall where the hallway opened up into the room and tried to look casual about it.

“It’s good to be back,” he said, at length, “thank you for – coming back for me.” If the words sounded forced, he told himself it was because he still couldn’t believe they had actually done it. He resisted the urge to say _you shouldn’t have,_ but Shiro’s expression said he could read the words from his face anyways.

“Let’s get you to bed,” he said, marching around to stand by Keith’s side, “we can all talk tomorrow,” he proposed, “everyone go back to sleep, and –“ Coran cut him off,

“Hold on!” He said, standing up from where he’d been crouched by Keith’s pod, “I’m not so sure we shouldn’t just pop you back into one of these pods.” Allura raised an eyebrow,

“Coran, do you think the pod malfunctioned?” Coran blinked back,

“I’m almost certain of it,” he mused directing a telling look at Keith, “although, nothing _appears_ to be wrong with it,” he turned back to the pod, scratching the back of his head, distracted.

“Whatever,” Keith raised his voice enough so they could all hear him, “I’m fine.” All their expressions morphed into skepticism at once, and he was forced to amend his statement. “I’m good enough.” He didn’t meet Shiro’s eyes, which he could feel, scanning over him like a laser beam. “I’m going to bed,” he reiterated.

_“Everyone_ go to bed,” Shiro ordered into the ensuing silence. “We’ll sort things out tomorrow,” he assured. Then he moved to put an arm around Keith, presumably in an effort to support him on his way back to his room. Keith couldn’t hide all of his flinch, or the twist of his expression as his skin crawled. But he allowed Shiro’s arm to stay there as the others filed out past them. As soon as Lance disappeared around the corner, Shiro’s grip became slightly firmer, and Keith let his own hand drop from the wall. He shot Shiro a sidelong look.

“If I tell you I can walk on my own, will you believe me?” Shiro raised an eyebrow,

“Would you?” Keith rolled his eyes, but he was too tired to fight right now. He let Shiro lead him through the cavernous hallways and tried to keep track of the route. He was vaguely pleased that the surroundings were still familiar. Maybe his reintegration wouldn’t be so difficult after all. _Maybe._ He’d never expected to return here, and he couldn’t entirely keep from wondering when he would wake up from this dream.

They reached his old room without incident. As the door slid open, Keith was buffeted by another gust of nostalgia. Shiro waited just long enough before stepping over the threshold that Keith could tell he’d been similarly incapacitated.

Five quick strides across the room, and then Keith sank gratefully down onto the bed as Shiro released him. He waited for Shiro to leave, and then craned his neck upwards to look at him when he didn’t.

“What?” Without the rest of the team here to see it, some of Shiro’s authoritative energy fell away.

“Just – I’m worried about you.” He confessed. Keith let his confusion show,

“But I’m back now.” Shiro’s eyes darkened,

“Yeah, I know.” He didn’t seem inclined to divulge further, and Keith saw the effort he put into pulling himself back together, like he was watching the seams of Shiro’s composure tighten. “We’ll talk tomorrow,” he said, his tone about three watts too bright, “get some rest, and use the comm if you need anything.” He glanced around the room again, and for a second Keith thought he was going to find an excuse to stay.

“Ok,” Keith said, doubting that he’d need to use the comm before Shiro saw fit to resume his hovering. With a last sigh, Shiro moved towards the still-open doorway, he paused right before crossing into the hall.

“It is good to have you back.” He said,

“It wasn’t your fault,” Keith replied. He couldn’t see Shiro’s expression, just his silhouette in the doorway.

“Goodnight, Keith.” The door slid shut behind him. _Keith._ It was strange to hear his own name again, stranger still that it had sounded so tentative coming from Shiro. _He did think I was dead until recently,_ he reminded himself, _they all did._ He remembered the slightly glassy appearance of Hunk’s eyes and his voice when he’d said, _“Hug it out?”_ A small ribbon of guilt curled in his stomach. The blackness of the room seemed to press in around him, reminding him too strongly of – he stood as abruptly as he dared and flicked the lights on, before lying down on top of the covers with his stomach to the mattress. It felt softer than he remembered.

When he finally fell asleep, it wasn’t in darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR: They get back to the Castle of Lions, stick Keith in a healing pod, it spits him out earlier than they thought it would and he wakes up by himself. The rest of the squad show up shortly afterwards and there’s some general awkwardness while everyone is confused and tries to cope with the situation, before they all finally go back to bed, Keith included, with the understanding that there will be a *discussion* tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry againnnn for how long this has taken! Thank you to everyone who's commented and given kudos, I really appreciate it, and if I haven't already thanked you directly: it's so sweet of you! As always, please be mindful of the tags and stay safe! I'm trying to keep them updated but I'm also not super familiar with how the tags work yet, so if I miss something don't hesitate to let me know! Feel free to ask if you have questions, and see the end of chapter notes for TD;LR. I do not own any of these characters. This chapter is a little shorter, and I apologize in advance if it's also boring.

When he woke the next morning, Keith remembered where he was. That seemed like a win to him, though it was also a stark reminder of how considerably the bar had been lowered. Peeling off the suit he’d worn inside the pod was about as uncomfortable as he expected. His ribs were still sore, and even the simple action of sitting up was reacquainting him with muscles he hadn’t used in nearly a year. He couldn’t bring himself to look in a mirror, but he felt the skin across his back stretching tight like recently healed scar tissue. Uncomfortable and delicate. By the time he was dressed in fresh clothes he was almost tired enough to fall asleep again. It was strange to be back in his own clothing again, though his jacket was comfortingly familiar.

It took him a long moment of scanning the room to remember where the clock was. It was earlier than he’d expected to wake up, and he guessed earlier than the others would think to check on him. He felt relieved, then guilty. _They just rescued you,_ he chided, _they’re bound to be a bit overcautious at first._ Hopefully just at first; he didn’t know if he could stand their concern for much longer.

His thoughts still felt a bit muzzy. He told himself it was just from sleep. The quiet was unsettling, and he felt his heartrate increasing even as he strained to listen for the sounds of footsteps that wouldn’t come. Eventually he dragged himself up onto his feet, unable to stand feeling like a sitting duck. _Stupid, there’s no one coming,_ he told himself, over and over and over again.

When pacing didn’t resolve his restlessness, he decided to go refamiliarize himself with the castle. It was difficult not to feel like he had to sneak around. His skin was crawling, and he stuck close to the walls, even though he knew it was ridiculous. _Everyone’s asleep, just relax._ It shouldn’t have mattered that they were asleep, they wouldn’t hurt him, he reminded himself. _I know they’re safe, I just don’t like the idea of them watching me on the cameras from the bridge. That’s why. I’m safe, I’m safe, I’m safe._

He continued to repeat that mantra as he crept past the other living quarters, and while he rediscovered the kitchen, the lounge, and the training deck. He visited the empty bridge last before retracing his steps back to his bedroom. The lights were still on.

He tried in vain to remember what time the paladins usually woke up, but the memory wouldn’t surface. He gave up when his thoughts started to turn down darker avenues. There wasn’t much to do in his room. It was as tidy as he’d left it, nothing to put away or clean up. Except for the dust. He didn’t know if Alteans had dusters.

When the alarm went off, he jumped so badly his neck cricked. He sat back down on the bed to wait out the inevitable and tried to stop his hands from shaking. _My bed,_ he thought firmly. _I’m in my room, and this is my bed._ A part of him still expected his surroundings to evaporate.

There was a quiet knock at the door less than a minute later. The person on the other side didn’t wait for permission, likely expecting him to be asleep. Keith’s suspicions were confirmed a moment later when Shiro stepped into the room, wide-eyed.

“You’re awake.” It wasn’t a question, so Keith didn’t answer it. _I should have practised speaking out loud,_ he thought dismally. He was only now recalling, with unfortunate clarity, how awkward it had been yesterday. “How are you feeling?” Keith shrugged, then cleared his throat.

“Fine,” he muttered, “how are you already here? Did you sleep fully dressed?” It was a weak attempt at humour to begin with, but the tinge of bitterness in his tone completely ruined it.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright,” Shiro defended, “how are _you_ up so early?”

“The alarm goes off in my room too, Shiro,” Keith reminded him. His mouth tripped over the word ‘my’ because his tongue wanted to say ‘this’. Shiro accepted that statement with a slightly suspicious arch of his eyebrow.

“Do you want to eat with the others in the dining hall for breakfast?” He asked at length; like he wasn’t sure whether he even wanted to offer the option, “Everyone understands if you’d rather ease back into things –“

“I’ll join you.” Keith interrupted, already getting back to his feet. Shiro reached out his arms involuntarily, but forcibly pinned them back to his sides when Keith glared in his direction.

“Got it,” he said, an amused twist at the corner of his mouth, “still as stubborn as ever.”

Keith made a point of walking just ahead of Shiro on the way to the dining hall. It didn’t take long to get there, and they were the first to arrive.

“I’ll go see if Hunk needs a hand,” Shiro said, after Keith had taken a seat at the table. He hoped he’d chosen correctly; he couldn’t remember which one had been his.

“I’ll come,” Keith said immediately, but Shiro raised his hands in an assuaging gesture, a knowing smile on his face.

“Too many cooks,” he quipped, “everyone’ll be here in a minute.”

_A dobosh,_ Keith thought but didn’t say. Shiro left without another word. No one on the Galra ship had referenced Earth-time. _A minute,_ Keith corrected himself viciously. He couldn’t let himself get hung up on every little thing. Belatedly he realized he was alone again. It wasn’t for long.

Pidge wandered into the room shortly after, looking bleary-eyed. Her steps stuttered slightly when she saw Keith, but she offered him a sleepy smile and sat down on Keith’s right side without comment, for which he was immensely grateful.

Allura came next, looking as impeccable as always and well-rested, despite last night’s interruption to her sleep schedule.

“Good morning Keith, Pidge,” she said. He debated whether to reply and eventually settled on a nod. Pidge opted for a grunt. Allura’s smile was sweet as she pulled out her chair at the head of the table.

Lance was quite a bit less graceful when he entered, dragging his feet and slouching into the room, though his posture straightened when his eyes found Keith. He looked like he wanted to say something, but after opening and closing his mouth a couple of times he just plopped into the chair on the other side of Keith and bumped Keith’s arm lightly with his elbow.

Coran was predictably chipper, and too full of energy for the early hour. It was the kind of brightness that somehow dimmed everyone else. Pidge and Lance both gave him dirty looks as he bounced into his own seat next to Allura. Keith fought hard not to feel out of place and concentrated on not fidgeting.

Finally, Hunk and Shiro appeared together, bringing the food with them. They both looked respectfully cheerful. Shiro wished everyone a “Good morning,” while Hunk sang “One for you, and you, and you,” as he set down plates in front of each of them.

It was at precisely at that moment Keith realized he had no appetite. Logically he knew he should be hungry, _I haven’t actually ‘eaten’ in almost a year,_ he thought. But still. Looking at the pile of food in front of him, he knew there was no way he’d be able to stomach it all. Everyone else was already digging in. Hesitantly, Keith picked up his fork. He noticed Shiro watching him out of the corner of his eye. It was all the incentive he needed. Defiantly, he shoved a forkful into his mouth. The flavour exploded over his tongue. Chewing felt weird. Shiro went back to eyeing his own serving.

Keith slowed down almost immediately after that, and it was only a few bites later before he was done. There was still a substantial amount left on the plate, but he couldn’t imagine eating any more. He swallowed a couple mouthfuls of water, and then pushed the food around his plate while the others finished their meals. He felt slightly nauseous. No one talked, and Keith tried not to let paranoia overrun his other thoughts. It wasn’t very successful: breakfast passed in awkward silence, although graciously no one remarked on Keith’s lack of enthusiasm, though he knew they all noticed.

“Thank you, Hunk,” Shiro said finally, placing his fork neatly on top of his clean plate. Everyone else quickly piled on their gratitude and compliments for Hunk’s cooking. Shiro’s eyes scanned over the table at large. “I know you’re all still waiting for that ‘talk’ I mentioned yesterday,” he said, and Keith kept his gaze fixed on the table. “I was thinking we could all meet in the lounge this afternoon, after training.” Everyone except Keith, Allura and Coran groaned.

“I thought we were going to get a break from training today,” Hunk whined, “you know, to sort things out.”

“It’s better if we stick to a stable routine,” Shiro said firmly, “we’ll have plenty of time to discuss everything afterwards.”

With various sighs and mutters, everyone began to stand and clear their place. Keith followed suit.

“We’ll meet you in the lounge at 14:00, ok Keith?” Shiro spoke up while everyone began to filter out of the dining hall.

“What are you talking about?” Keith asked darkly, bringing the movement around them to a dead stop.

“Sorry?” Keith gave Shiro a long look, trying to determine if he really didn’t understand or if he was just being evasive. He looked genuinely surprised, which was annoying.

“I won’t have to meet you there,” Keith continued, “because I’m going to train with you.” Shiro’s face cleared, though disbelief coloured his expression as he squared his shoulders, setting his plate back down on the metallic surface of the table. Keith saw Lance shaking his head in the background while Pidge shooed Hunk out of the room.

“You’re kidding.”

“Wasn’t it you, just now, preaching about the importance of routine?” Shiro frowned,

“You’re not back to normal yet Keith, it’s going to take more than one night of rest to get your strength back. Training right now is a bad idea, and besides; I’m nowhere near convinced that you aren’t still injured. Coran still doesn’t know why the pod spit you out early.”

“I’m fine.” Shiro shook his head,

“I don’t think so.” Keith felt his glower intensify.

“Look, you already did your part Shiro – I was meant to die back there, but you brought me back. Now let me do my part.” Something in Keith’s gut started to boil.

The skin around Shiro’s eyes tightened, “Keith. Follow orders, for once in your life.”

“Why are _you_ so pissed?” Keith snapped, “It’s not like I asked for this!” He burst out, “It’s not like I arranged for the Galra to capture me and torture me _every day_ for a _year_ – and I haven’t asked you to take care of me – you weren’t even supposed to know I _survived.”_

“Keith…” Lance was looking between the two of them, expression horrified.

“You didn’t ask for this?” Shiro’s voice was cold, “You piloted yourself right into a suicide mission Keith. You knew the risks, and you did it anyways. You didn’t even stop to consider how it would affect the rest of us. You didn’t even think about your own well-being.”

“I _had_ to!” Keith yelled hoarsely, slamming his plate back onto the table. “What else was I supposed to do? They were about to destroy an entire planet that would have wiped out a _third_ of the coalition forces and every other planet in the area! You would have done the same thing!” Shiro’s face twisted,

“I know.” He said finally, “But answer me this Keith; you keep saying we ‘weren’t supposed to know you survived.’ Why? Because we would have done something? Because you get to decide whether or not you’re important enough to us to rescue?”  
  


“It’s not like I could contact you,” Keith retaliated, “and Voltron _is_ more important than me! I can’t believe you guys didn’t find someone else to fly Red! I mean what kind of idiots fly into Zarkon’s ship, risking four of the universe’s most powerful weapons, to rescue someone who for all they knew could have already been dead?”

“Family!” Shiro shouted, finally losing his composure, “Family does Keith! Do you not get that? Do you not understand why we – and for your information we _did_ search for a new paladin, but no one was bonding with the Red Lion! Now I know why – it was still bonded to you! God, I’m such an idiot!” He threw his hands up suddenly and started to pace back and forth. Lance’s eyes were huge, tracking him. “And that’s beside the point! Family is allowed to be pissed at you for throwing yourself into danger _yet again_ and risking your life like it doesn’t mean anything!”

“But it doesn’t! Not in a fight this big! This is bigger than all of us!” Keith was out of breath. He felt hollowed out.

“Every life matters Keith. We can’t lose sight of that – it’s the very reason why Voltron is needed. To defend _every life in the universe._ Once you figure out that that applies to you too, then you can start making your own calls again.” The heat suddenly left Shiro, and his shoulders sagged. “I’m not arguing about this anymore. Get some rest or get back into a healing pod, we’ll talk later.”

_Later._ Keith remembered something from last night that he still wanted answered, but before he could ask Shiro turned and stalked out of the room.

The silence was heavy in the room as both Keith and Lance looked off after Shiro.

“You know…you’ve got to get over this whole ‘loner’ thing. I think we’ve established that it’s unhealthy.” Lance finally said. His words hung in the air for a long moment.

“Why, because I almost died at the hands of our biggest enemy?”

“Something like that.” The amusement hung in the air for another ten ticks or so, before withering back into awkward silence. “Do you…need anything?” Lance asked cautiously. Keith sighed; he was completely drained.

“No, Lance.”

“Ok, ok,” Lance lifted a hand to ward off Keith’s deadly expression, “You’re just looking a little pale. I guess I’ll – see you later?”

Keith nodded, feeling the last dregs of his energy vaporizing. Lance wavered a moment longer before trotting away with his plate still in hand. Keith let him get a head start. He didn’t want to run into anyone in the kitchen when he eventually got there. His head was swimming.

By the time he’d exited the kitchen again, his steps were more akin to stumbles. He wanted to hate Shiro for exiling him from training, but it was hard to muster enough energy to feel anything.

Finally, he made it back to the privacy of his room and collapsed onto the bed, on his stomach. He ached. _What is wrong with me?_ Everything was too much, and yet somehow not enough. _I wish everything would go back to normal._ If only he could remember what normal _was._ He didn’t want to think about the past year, or struggle with fitting back into this old routine. It was frustrating, he was _competent,_ but felt powerless. If he was a puzzle piece, he had become serrated. He still fit into the same space, but it didn’t look quite right, there were fragments missing. He couldn’t interact with the other pieces like he used to, and they were afraid to bump up against him and his jagged edges. It was hard not to feel stuck, but he couldn’t let himself think about _stuck, trapped, restrained,_ because that led to much harsher memories than his current situation deserved to evoke.

His limbs were heavy, and eventually his eyelids took away his choice; sliding shut with finality. He drifted in blackness until there was another light knock at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR: Keith wakes up, explores the castle, then eats breakfast with the rest of the team. It’s awkward. Shiro suggests they all have their “discussion” after the morning training, which Keith wants to join, even though he is *not* all better. Shiro won’t let him, (because he’s not an idiot) but then Keith and Shiro get into a massive fight, which is more over Keith’s general lack of self-preservation than anything else. The essential arguments/opposing perspectives are as follows: Shiro: Every individual life matters equally and deserves protection, including yours! Vs. Keith: No individual’s life is more important than the big picture! Including mine! Afterwards Keith isn’t feeling too great. He returns to his room and accidentally falls asleep again.


	4. Chapter 4

Hi all! So sorry, I know I said I would update, but my life has been thrown into upheaval once again. I'm going to put this fic on (temporary!!) hiatus until I can figure things out, but I'm hoping that it won't be for too long. I WILL FINISH IT, things are just crazy right now. <3 Ok, that's that.

I also wanted to say a huge THANK YOU to every lovely soul who's left comments and kudos! I never expected this fic to get so much attention, and I really appreciate all the kind words and thoughts. <3


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